Anxiety/Humility

As I was driving (late) into work this morning, I was able to catch part of a sermon from Alistair Begg about the relationship between anxiety and humility. This was pretty exciting, because I've been feeling awfully anxious lately for a number of reasons.

Feeling anxious sucks.

Anxiety is like one of those doggie head-cones that dogs are forced to wear after surgery. Impossible to ignore, always looming in your periphery, annoyingly in the way during every part of normal life. You know what else? It's humiliating. I'm pretty humiliated that I can let these things which I have no control over harass me so. I know better; I know that I should shrug it off or cast it at the feet of Jesus or some such... And the fact that I have not, or am not, or have apparently forgotten how... It's a pretty damning realization. I mean how did this happen?

Well.. if I consider that this present anxiety is arguably the result of a lack of humility - it's not much of a stretch to think that God decided it was high time to get me into a ridiculous and traumatic head-cone. With that in mind, yesterday in fact (before I heard the sermon), I was humbled. I spent time in prayer like I haven't in months. Down on my face. Raw and honest to the point that my own words moved me to tears. Psalm 34:4 was a verse that I memorized a few weeks ago, and in that moment it took on the weight of a cement truck. It was the best, most peaceful, freeing time that I've felt in as long as I can remember.

Immediately after that, I had another realization: Whatever it is that has driven me here - it's so completely possible that it has just served it's single purpose in entering my life. For example: I haven't heard back from World Vision. But if the suspense of waiting on them has helped to drive me here, then in a very real sense it doesn't matter if I ever do. I think God is much more concerned with the posture of my heart, soul, and spirit... than with pretty much everything else. And I'll take that any day.